Nancy Pelosi Writes a Speech

Nancy bit the end of her pen, then scribbled:

“Good so far,” says mini Bill Clinton, sitting on her right shoulder. “I recommend some pithy quotes, too.”

Thomas Jefferson? she thought.

“I was thinking Thomas Paine,” said mini Bill.

“Wait a minute, what the fuck?” It was mini Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, sitting on her left shoulder. “Listen, old white man, I think you need to catch up on the reality of today.”

“The times we’ve been screwed are far too many,” said mini Alexandria curtly. “How about this quote: ‘The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.’ KARL MARX.”

“To IMPEACH the mother-fucker!” mini Rashida Tlaib had taken up a position next to mini Alexandria.

“Which has been the problem with our party for at least forty years!” Alexandria snorted.

“Now, now, ladies, we must proceed with caution and with an ear to the ground,” said mini Bill. “I know how to win elections, and you have to play to the middle…”

“Don’t you condescend to me, abuser of interns!” said mini Rashida. “Nancy, you quit listening to him. His day is gone.”

Mini Bill giggled and patted her on the back, whispering, “Yes. Triangulate, triangulate…”

“Girrrrl, we’ll win if we deliver progressive legislation! We need to address climate change NOW, and we need new opportunities for people NOW,” said mini Alexandria.

“Listen, listen,” said mini Bill. “We’ll get to all that. Sure we will. But first we’ve gotta just play it easy and not upset the executives and all the people who make our economy go…”

Suddenly, mini Joe Biden appeared next Bill. “Did somebody say ‘rich people?’ You know, they’re not bad people. They throw really nice parties, and they’re very huggable!”

“Yes, exactly!” said mini Bill. “And sometimes you need BIG droplets of water from rich people to get you over the hump!”

Mini Joe Biden started jumping up and down. “Yeah, baby! That’s the way we’ve always done it!

Mini Bill said, “Perfect. Now lean toward the right a little more…”

Suddenly, mini Hillary Clinton appeared next to mini Bill and slapped him. “Goddamn, it Bill. That shit didn’t work in 2016. Grow up already.”

Mini Alexandria grinned at mini Hillary and said, “Welcome to the party, Hillary.”

Nancy wrote on, oblivious.

Writer, painter, cat fancier, troublemaker, democratic socialist, & antifascist.

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