Paul Ryan’s Diary: I Did It!

Dear Ayn,

This has been just the BEST day, Ayn! We finally got rid of Obamacare! Even Trump, that doddering old fool, publicly called me “a genius,” and you’re darn tootin’ I am! I finally got some of those moderate idiots to vote for it, even though it won’t do what they think it will AT ALL, and the Tea Partiers finally saw reason.

This. Is. The. Most. BRILLIANT. Legislation. Let me tell you why, Ayn. It’s because it LOOKS like it’s going to HELP people, but it’s actually only going to help the rich! I am so smart! We cut all those horrid taxes on rich people, hospitals, and tanning salons, then we tore out the subsidies that enable people to afford insurance — replacing them with tax credits! Ha ha, what a scam, as if that will do them any good. But it makes folks think they’re getting something, you know? Voters are so stupid. Then we’re going to phase out Medicaid funding. Governors can start right away, actually. By the end of the decade, they’ll be block grants and new people won’t be eligible! Basically, we’re on our way to completely killing Medicaid. I would think that a number of people on it now might be dead by 2020, anyway. Even less money to spend!

That all sounds great, right? But that’s not the end of it. Insurers are now free to gut plans, raise deductibles, and charge tons of money for preexisting conditions! That’s the problem we had with the stupid moderates — they didn’t want to leave out people with preexisting conditions. So we said we’d protect them, but let the governors change their minds if they want to. And who wouldn’t want to? Oh, man, Ayn. They are so screwed. Less of the idiots to worry about, I say!

I have to say, though, that I had to do an AWFUL lot of lying when I talked about this bill. If I were still a Catholic, that would really bother me. But now I’m an objectivist, so who the heck cares? Besides, if there’s any blowback at all, it’s got Trump’s name on it. Oh, yeah.

Gosh, I’m so proud of myself, Ayn. Sticking it to the rabble and giving something back to the only people who matter — the rich — it all makes life so worthwhile, you know?

As always, thanks for listening. Now I gotta go out with my buddies and celebrate! Have some beer, maybe scare a small child or two. Good times.



By U.S. Congress —, Public Domain

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