White Privilege Can’t Be a Real Thing Because White People Suffer
I sure am tired of liberals and women (they’re almost always women) going on about “white privilege” like they see it everywhere. This is obviously bull puckey, because if white people were privileged, they’d never suffer, and let me tell you: I’VE suffered.
My daddy worked long hours for years and sometimes all we had to eat was corn gruel. When he got a better job at the mill, we were able to eat barley gruel, but that was it. He walked to work four hours a day because we couldn’t afford a car, and I had to ride our bloodhound to school. We were DIRT POOR, and let me tell you, we had no privilege, no sirree.
What was that? Sure, my school had books. We read “Dick and Jane” just like everybody else. Yes, I know they were white. Sometimes, like on a birthday, I got a nickel to go the movies. Huh? Well, of course there were black people in those movies! Haven’t you ever heard of “Gone With the Wind?” See, now there you go, calling me a racist. Look, I don’t have a racist bone in my body. Black people are fine! They can go about doing their thing, I don’t care.
There are many white people in prison, let me tell you. My cousin was in prison, and I know for a fact that most of them are white. So don’t go telling me about white privilege. We’ve executed lots of white people, like Charlie Manson and Jeffrey Dahmer… oh, yeah? Well, I know we’ve executed white people, don’t go gettin’ crazy on me. Oh, there’s more black people on death row by what? Percentage of the population? Well, then maybe they should take a look in the mirror like the rest of us. You can’t keep blaming white people for stuff like that.
Policemen aren’t racist, they’re just doing their job. Just because… Oh, hi, officer. Yeah, I’m just having a conversation here. Sorry if I got a little loud. I’ll keep it down. You know how it is when you get riled up. You have a good day, too. By the way, I just saw a shady-lookin’ guy over by the drug store. Yeah, he was smoking something, it looked like… Black, about six feet with a red shirt. Sure, no problem. Now where was I?
No, no, nobody says that word anymore. All that stuff you see in the movies about people yelling the “n-word” and marching around in hoods, that stuff doesn’t happen anymore. We’ve had a black president. Racism just isn’t a thing. We live in a colorblind society now. Yes, of course, I work with black people. There’s… there’s a guy who cleans at night. He’s real nice, named Irvin. Oh, come on, some people are more qualified than others. If some people want better jobs, they can go to school or whatever and get them. Hmm? Haven’t you heard of loans? What do you mean, higher interest rates for black people? I think you’re making this up as you go along.
Slavery and Jim Crow are over. Black people need to realize that, or they’re never going to get ahead. Systemic what? There you go again. What, you think a bunch of white people went around and deliberately set up everything in our society to benefit white men? I sure didn’t benefit. I’ve worked hard for my house and my Social Security. Do I live in a fancy neighborhood? No. Do I eat caviar all the time? No. Of course I have black neighbors. I’m pretty sure. Maybe on Oak Street. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’ve worked hard, and I’m not rich, so this is all “fake news.”
Next you’re going to start going on about male privilege and “me too” and all that. I’m telling ya, it won’t be long before men aren’t allowed to be men, anymore. Why can’t I appreciate a pretty girl? What’s wrong with that? It’s a compliment, fer chrissakes. Sit down, little lady, you’re distracting me, waving your arm over there. Oh yeah? Well, I think maybe if you’d smile more, you might catch a husband.
Yeah, no, sorry, but you’re not going to convince me. I grew up poor, and I’m still poor, and I’ve worked hard, so you can’t blame me. No, I don’t have to acknowledge anything. Has it ever occurred to you that white people suffer more from racism than anyone else? Well, they do. What do you mean, we run everything? Young lady, I’ve had enough of this. Now excuse me, I’m late for a golf game with my buddy. Who just happens to be Mexican.